Without Love
by bunnygirl2012
Summary: I don't really know how to summarize this so I'm not gonna try because if I do I'll botch it. However, it's not really a spoiler but I wouldn't read if you haven't read the complete series or at least most of it.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy because if I did there would be tons more Adrian and Rose wouldn't break his heart.**

The grey sky opened up and shed its tears on us.

A quiet voice filled the noiseless, depressed cemetery as Moroi and Dhampir alike stood around the grave. My body was numb with disbelief and pain, there was nothing I could do to change things now, it was too late. Tears streamed freely down my face and I drank in my surroundings without really taking anything in. How could this happen? Everything became void and dull as the hole in my heart grew larger with every passing word the preacher spoke. I wasn't supposed to be standing here, in the cemetery for a funeral, especially a funeral for my comrade, my true love, Dimitri Belikov. It felt as if everything in my world had gone from bright vibrant colors to absolute dull nothingness; it seemed as if my normal, spunky personality even died with Dimitri.

Suddenly, foreign feelings began to invade in on my sadness. Anger led the march through my veins with a hint of self-loathing, self-blame, regret and fear close on its tail. These feelings did not belong to me; these feelings belonged to my best friend, Lissa Dragomir, and came to me through our bond. I couldn't help but wonder what it was that she was afraid of, was she in trouble? Glancing over at her, my heart melted when I saw the face of the princess. She was clinging to her boyfriend, Christian Ozera, as if she was drowning out at sea and he was her life preserver. The look on their faces was pained and Lissa was crying just as hard as I was. When I could no longer stand their pained expressions, I turned away and stared into the empty horizon.

"You may now come place a rose and say your final good-byes," the preacher's tone was soft, comforting.

Everyone began to move at once, some leaving and others moving the say good-bye to Dimitri. The Dhampirs followed the Moroi that they were assigned to; after all, even in a time like this they always came first. I wanted to go say some final words to my comrade but I just couldn't bring my body to move from where I stood.

"Rose," Lissa said softly as she put a hand on my shoulder causing me to jump. I had been so out of it that I didn't even notice when my best friend came to stand by me.

"Are you okay?" Christian's voice lost all of its normal sarcastic, snarky tone and was replaced with concern

"Erm, yeah I'm fine, I'll be okay. Are you okay Lissa?"

She glanced down at the ground and gripped Christian's hand tightly, "I'm sorry for your loss Rose. I know you loved him. I just hope you don't hate me and you can forgive me."

I cocked my head to the side, why would I hate her?

"Why would I need to forgive you Lissa? You didn't make her pull the trigger," I murmured softly.

"No, but he was going to save me," she whispered weakly.

My heart constricted as she said that, "Don't blame yourself, he was doing his job. I would have done the same."

She peeked up at me and I noticed how bloodshot and puffy her eyes were from crying. In an attempt to reassure her, I managed a small, weak smile. A tiny smile tried to make its way across her lips, but it came out as more of a grimace.

"We're both really sorry though," Christian said quietly as he gripped Lissa's hand.

"It's life," I said numbly.

Lissa just bobbed her head in reply, and turned away from me. I watched the two of them walk away together, happily in love and at that moment a stab of jealously tore through my heart. How was it fair that the two of them get to live happily ever after? I would never have that opportunity with my true love, it was too late now. Fresh tears formed on my eyelashes and I turned away from them, ashamed of myself for feeling that way. It was far from their fault that this had happened.

A deep sigh fell precariously from my lips as I turned to go to Dimitri's casket. I grabbed a blood red rose, and I laughed softly; giving this rose to him would almost be like giving me to him again. As I approached his casket I noticed that it was made of the finest mahogany wood, with golden inlay; only the best for a god amongst his peers. Upon closer inspection I noticed tiny little decals such as the promise mark made with the gold in the casket, even in death he'd keep his promise. New tears began to slide down my cheeks once again, as this became real all over again.

"Oh Dimitri, how will I go on without you?" I whispered weakly, the words barely making it past my closed lips.

I shut my eyes tightly and almost instantly Dimitri's form appeared on the backs of my eyelids. His muddy brown eyes peered into my soul and his soft brown hair was tied up in the neat pony tail he always wore. In my eyes he would always be perfect, no matter what.

As I stood there staring at his coffin, my mind began to wander. All of a sudden his voice was in my head telling me that I needed to move on and get over him, everything would be okay and I needed to protect Lissa, but most of all he wanted me to be happy. A sob raked its way through my throat leaving my lungs numb as I fell to my knees. I gripped the rose tightly and the thorns pricked my hand, but I didn't care.

"Rose?" A timid voice called out to me.

I pretended to ignore them in hopes they would leave me alone. However, they didn't and the person called my name again.

"What do you want Jill?" I spoke quietly to my best friend's illegitimate half-sister, Jill.

"Are you okay?" She questioned softly as she stuck her hand out in offering.

I grabbed her hand and as I stood I looked at the younger girl. She was pretty like Lissa; she had the famous emerald green eyes that seemed to haunt every Dragomir member. Her hair was a mousy brown though and took after her mother's, but it still looked nice on her.

"I don't know," I murmured weakly.

Jill began to study me quietly for some time before she pulled me into a tight hug.

"He'd want you to move on and be happy Rose," she whispered in my ear as she pulled away from me.

"But, I don't know if I can move on or be happy," my response was quiet, almost inaudible.

However, with her super Moroi hearing Jill heard me perfectly and she just shrugged her petite shoulders, "It takes time, but Lissa wanted me to tell you that the council is going to vote in the next ruler in about 10 minutes and she'd like you to be there."

"Oh, okay. Thanks," I said while she walked away from me.

Turning back to the grave, I began to mull over what Jill told me. She was right about one thing, it would take time and besides I had my duty as Lissa's guardian to focus on. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly as I came to my decision. After standing there for a few more minutes, remembering all the time I spent with Dimitri, I tossed the rose onto his casket. This was my way of telling him, and I, that I was going to move on and focus on everything in front of me.

"I will never forget you comrade and I will always love you Dimitri Belikov," I breathed softly.

As I began to walk away from his grave, I noticed a familiar face: Adrian Ivashkov. When I looked at him more closely I noticed he was holding a champagne class that the court had provided for the elite group of royals who had stayed behind, either to socialize or because they wanted to give their guardians time to say their final farewells to their comrade. I couldn't believe he was drinking, after the deal we had made awhile back. Anger coursed through my veins, this time it was all my own. How could he betray my trust like that?

"Adrian," I bellowed as I drew closer to him.

He turned at the sound of his name being called and his eyes narrowed slightly when he saw me.

"Rose," he said crossly.

"Why the hell are you drinking? Remember that contract we had? You said as long as we were dating that you wouldn't drink," I hissed.

Adrian glanced down at the glass full of the bubbly booze, the look that crossed his face made him seem surprised that he had the glass in his hand. Before he spoke he grabbed my upper arm and led me to the outskirts of the cemetery so we wouldn't be overheard.

"The contract is null and void," he spat at me.

If I had thought my heart couldn't break anymore today, I had been wrong. The words he spoke to me took all the oxygen out of my body almost knocking me to the ground.

"Wha- what? Why?" I cried weakly.

Mr. Ivashkov stormed a few feet away from me and downed the rest of his drink before he spoke, "Rose, don't play dumb. You know damn well why our contract is nothing now," he paused and turned to look at me before he continued to speak, "My only question is: how long had it been going on my sweet, darling Rose? How long had you been with Belikov behind my back?"

The beautiful green eyes that used to hold so much passion for me were now bloodshot and full of contempt. His beautiful face was twisted into an ugly pose; my breath caught in my throat and I quickly looked away.

"It didn't start until after we left the court and it was only once, nothing more than that," I whispered softly, there was no real use in defending myself.

"Well, at least it wasn't happening under my nose. I can't believe you would do something like that to me Rose. I thought you had more dignity than that," the look on his was desperate, almost pleading as he spoke.

I closed my eyes and let out a slow breath, "I'm sorry Adrian, it was a mistake and I love him so much. It was a terrible decision and it will never happen again, I didn't mean to hurt you Adrian. Can you ever forgive me and give us another shot?"

At that, he laughed, it was a cold, empty, hollow laugh; nothing about this situation was humorous.

"You're right it won't happen again, for two reasons. One, he's dead and isn't coming back. Two, I'm done with you Rose. At first I had hoped that maybe you were over him, but obviously due to your careless choices it's true that you will never be over him. I'm not going to stay with someone who doesn't or never will love me as much as I love them. I thought we had a chance, but I was wrong, and for that I'm sorry," Adrian wouldn't look at me as he said this.

"Please Adrian I just need one more chance, that's it. I promise I won't mess up again," I begged him, hoping he would realize how much he loved me.

Ivashkov snorted disgustedly, "I told you no Rose. I don't care how much I love you; I'm not going to set myself up for heartbreak again. Good-bye I hope you have a good life."

Those were the last words he spoke to me before he walked back to the elite group he'd been standing with before he dragged me away to talk. I stood there shocked beyond belief at what had just happened; wait, what had just happened? My mind wanted to process the events but it just wouldn't work, I needed to block it all out. As I stood there wallowing in self-pity, Lissa's feelings began to creep into my body again. A nervous feeling invaded my being, threating to sallow the pity, and then I could feel anger at me not being there.

At that moment, I realized I had been so wrapped up in myself that I had forgotten about the council electing the next queen. The building where they were voting wasn't too far away and I knew if I sprinted there that I could possibly make it in time before they actually started voting. I started with a gentle jog before I broke out into a hurried run earning strange looks from those in the court yard.

Doing my best to hurry, I ran through the halls as well. Right as I opened the door and made it into the room, they were announcing the next leader of the Moroi race, Lissa Dragomir. My blood was pounding through my body as I watched walk confidently to Adrian's father. There was a proud smile on her face but on the inside I knew she was scared, but there was also a hint of confidence.

However, at that moment I knew my life was about to change drastically.

**A/N: So this is probably just a one shot and nothing will come of it. I had to do this for my first writing project for creative writing and got a pretty decent grade. Honestly, I wrote it like this because as much as I love Dimitri and everything, I love Adrian even more even though he is a bad boy. And honestly I love this series and Richelle Mead is perhaps my favorite author of all times, but I was growing sick of Rose getting pretty much everything she wanted, so I wanted to write something where she didn't get any of what she wanted. Reviews are welcomes. Love and cookies to anyone who does =] Also, if my title for this kinda sucks than let me know and any suggestions you might have for the title**


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